I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
