How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
