I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
