i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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