do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
