We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize