mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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