that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
