your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
