We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
