I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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