Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
