we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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