quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
