im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
