You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
