I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
