did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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