Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
