We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
