This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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