I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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