I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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