Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
