Ambien. No doubt about it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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