I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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