Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
