sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
