he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
