Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
