We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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