He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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