I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
