It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
