Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
