apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
