So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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