Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
420 ftw
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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