He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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