So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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