life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Screwed.edu
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You made out with two different species that night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
