Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
