she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we're so committed to being not committed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
