and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
