So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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