Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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