A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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