walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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