she was so not down for the gang bang
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
