I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
