I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
