Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
