Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
