That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
