Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
