I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
