So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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