apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
