he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
