when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's like heaven, but drunker
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
