i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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