well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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