His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
