Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
