last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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