Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
