Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
