:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
