Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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