You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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