I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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