Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
